Letters in my head

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

Is it absolutely necessary that you start all your loud music, movies, activities AFTER 9 pm? There are 11 other people living in this building, and we all work different schedules. We've all respected each other's need to sleep at decent hours. Until YOU came along. You're loud, rude, and no matter how many times I bang on the ceiling with the broom and scream, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!", you still carry on. I hate you. One day, I will slash the tires on  your over sized, over compensating truck. 

Sincerely,

Your Downstairs Neighbor. 

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Dear Monster Khaos,

You're the only thing that gets me through the day. Just wanted to say I love you. Times a million. I love the way you taste like orange juice, and not that shit flavor of most energy drinks. I love how you give me so much energy so I can get the jobs done that I need to do, yet never give me that crashing feeling. I love your orange M. I love the way you come in sizes from single shots, to BIG HUGE CANS OF ORANGEY DEATH! You're always there for me, and I appreciate you. Not once have you ever let me down. I love you.

Love always, 

Me.

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Dear MSN face that pisses Lubie off,

She's going to destroy you. Just saying. 

You've been warned. 

Yours truly,

Me.

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Dear Marlboro Menthol Lights,

If it weren't for you, I'd probably be in jail right about now. However, you're addicting qualities are bad for my health. Did you know that every puff I take of you, no matter how much you control my Hulk rages, takes minutes off my life? Or that you have the same chemicals in you found in urine, rat poison and carpet glue? How about the fact that you give cancer, or emphysema? Cause low birth weight in unborn babies, stain fingers and teeth, and generally cause people to go broke because you're OVER 5$ A PACK!! You and the perfume industry must be having an affair. I'm sure you've helped boost their sales drastically over the last bazillion years, as well as toothpaste and mouth wash. Whatever freaky orgy thing you have going on, please stop. I'd love to quit you, but you're so smooth. I start out strong, and you just suck me back in. We need to talk. Asap.

Regrettably yours, 

Me. 

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