Zanesville Animal Massacre

This story I'm about to relate, is really dear to me. I know I said I wouldn't get into anything debatable, but this one I'm willing to face head on with anyone. Of course I try to be open minded about things, and I know that what I'm about to say will probably leave you with your head spinning on where exactly I stand, but I won't deny the fact that I have very concrete opinions about this story, and how I feel. It doesn't mean they are right, or wrong, or better then anyone elses, it's just how I feel. 

Warning: The images found in this article are disturbing. 

October 19th, 2011 in Zanesville, Oh, roughly 56 wild animals ranging from tigers, lions, bears, wolves, giraffes, camels, monkeys and various others, were set free from a privately owned farm, apparently before the owner shot himself. Now, it hasn't been confirmed (at the time I'm writing this) that it was a suicide, but it's suspected until the autopsy report is done. Police went on an immediate hunt for these animals, posting signs on the Highway 70 about calling 911 if any animals are seen, keeping the locals and pets inside at night, and even closing down schools for Wednesday. Prompt reaction with good results. However, only 6 of these endangered and rare animals were saved and sent off to the Columbus Zoo. 6 animals total, the rest, shot on sight. Not with tranquilizer guns, but with bullets. 

These highly endangered animals lost their lives, and this world is 40+ rare animals short, all because of one man's selfishness. I firmly believe he was selfish. Why would anyone want to own that many exotic animals? Now, I know someone is going to say, "Duh stupid, to save them." But check into the reports. Look at how often that guy got into trouble for Animal Cruelty, and other animal related charges. He'd just gotten out of prison a month before, on gun related charges if I'm not mistaken. (At this point, I'd like to say that I didn't research the man, I've been to thoroughly upset by the rest of this business. However, I will try to find a few links for people to check into.) 

49 Animals deceased:

2 Wolves

6 Black Bears

2 Grizzly Bears

9 Male Lions

8 Lionesses

1 Baboon

3 Mountain lions

18 Tigers (one of which was a rare white tiger I believe)

This man was found dead, cages open all around him, with about 5 animals found around his body acting aggressively. They were shot on site. The crew at Columbus Zoo was called in, asking to help track and capture these animals, but with Zanesville being a few hours away, police could not just idly sit by and wait. They couldn't tranquilize them in the dark, for fear that the animals might get away and find a place to hide until the tranquilizers wore off. Case in point, a vet found a tiger just 20 yards away, shot it with a tranquilizer dart, and the tiger rushed him, causing the police to put the animal down before it even had a chance to be rescued. 

This was one of the largest animal escapes in the history of our country, smack dab in the middle of suburbia.  I've come to learn that Ohio has one of the weakest laws when it comes to owning an exotic pet. 

http://www.bornfreeusa.org/b4a2_exotic_animals_summary.php

Ohio

Category: NB (until April 6, 2011)

Summary of Law: No person may bring into the state a non-domestic animal unless the possessor: obtains an entry permit; health certificate certifying the animal is free of infectious diseases; and a certificate of veterinary inspection. Persons in the state possessing non-domestic animals do not need to obtain a permit.

How in the hell could someone let this happen? How could someone just .. ALLOW someone to own these precious animals for the sake of owning them. Especially if the man had been accused of animal negligence and cruelty. Furthermore, how the hell and WHO the hell, took care of these animals for a whole year while the man was in prison? Just weeks before, Jack Hanna and the Governor of Ohio had been trying to set up a law to ban exotic animal ownership. I'm glad to say that this is pushing the issue faster then before, but at a horrible cost. 

Luckily not one human life was lost in this tragedy, but it is not a cause of celebration for me today. 

Facts: 

http://www.worldwildlife.org/species/finder/tigers/index.html

As few as 3,200

Wild tiger numbers are at an all-time low. The largest of all the Asian big cats may be on top of the food chain and one of the most culturally important and best-loved animals, but they are also vulnerable to extinction. Tigers are forced to compete for space with dense human populations, face unrelenting pressure from poaching, retaliatory killings and habitat loss across their range.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion

Estimates of the African lion population range between 16,500 and 47,000 living in the wild in 2002–2004, down from early 1990s estimates that ranged as high as 100,000 and perhaps 400,000 in 1950

http://www.defenders.org/wildlife_and_habitat/wildlife/grizzly_bear.php

Historically, there were around 50,000 grizzly bears in North America. Today, there are 1,000 - 1,200 grizzly bears remaining in five separate populations in the lower 48 states. In Alaska, there are thought to be over 30,000 grizzly bears.

http://www.angelfire.com/ok/wolvesworld/

And the facts go on. The folks at the Columbus Zoo (either only had or could only bring) 4 tranquilizer guns with them. 4 guns, for 50 animals. It was doomed before it even got started. There was no way that the police could allow for those animals to run loose over night, possibly to take off to places unknown with 12 plus hours head start on them. Most of the animals were found within 500 yards of their cages, but it's not a thing that the citizens of Zanesville and the police who protect them were willing to gamble on. Once again, there would have been no way for them to tranq them in the dark, hunt the animal down, and hope that it was fully knocked out. 

I'm extremely saddened by the loss of life in this story. How else were people supposed to act? Imagine if that was your kid standing outside the next day waiting for the bus with 50 wild and dangerous animals roaming loose. I can understand the need to put these animals down, I just wish that there could have been a better way. This was a no win situation. I'm mad because they killed them, I'm mad because the state of Ohio deemed fit to just let this law slide until the last minute, I'm mad because this.. dumbass took it upon himself to own and "care" for these majestic creatures, free them, then take the cowards way out and kill himself. I mean, really? You can't take responsibility for your actions? WHY did he free those animals? WHY did he kill himself afterwards? These are questions we will probably never find the answers to. It's a shame, really, and there is nothing we can do about it now. 

But there are plenty of places to help out and hopefully prevent things like this happening again. There's lots of foundations to donate to, city and government officials that you can talk to to push for better laws and regulations, and education. 

http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/exotic_pets/ohio_ban_exotics_now.html

I know there is a lot of things and issues going on with the Humane Society right now, but this site has great links to campaigns and issues that relate to this. Who knows, it could happen in your town,  your county, your state next. Why not make sure that you can keep your neighborhood safe, as well as protect the animals and save a life. I'm urging everyone who reads this post to please contact the Governor of Ohio, or the governors of your own state to make sure that something like this never happens again. There's no excuse for this, and if we don't stand up for those that can't stand up for themselves, no one will. More accidents like this will happen, and possibly more lives lost. 

Other links of interest:

http://www.bornfreeusa.org/b4a2_exotic_animals_state.php?s=oh

http://www.animallaw.info/articles/ddusexoticpets.htm

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2011/1019/Lax-Ohio-laws-lead-to-free-for-all-for-exotic-animals-critics-say

http://www.dispatch.com/

http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/lions-and-tigers-shot-1205286.html

Letters in my head

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

Is it absolutely necessary that you start all your loud music, movies, activities AFTER 9 pm? There are 11 other people living in this building, and we all work different schedules. We've all respected each other's need to sleep at decent hours. Until YOU came along. You're loud, rude, and no matter how many times I bang on the ceiling with the broom and scream, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!", you still carry on. I hate you. One day, I will slash the tires on  your over sized, over compensating truck. 

Sincerely,

Your Downstairs Neighbor. 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Dear Monster Khaos,

You're the only thing that gets me through the day. Just wanted to say I love you. Times a million. I love the way you taste like orange juice, and not that shit flavor of most energy drinks. I love how you give me so much energy so I can get the jobs done that I need to do, yet never give me that crashing feeling. I love your orange M. I love the way you come in sizes from single shots, to BIG HUGE CANS OF ORANGEY DEATH! You're always there for me, and I appreciate you. Not once have you ever let me down. I love you.

Love always, 

Me.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Dear MSN face that pisses Lubie off,

She's going to destroy you. Just saying. 

You've been warned. 

Yours truly,

Me.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Dear Marlboro Menthol Lights,

If it weren't for you, I'd probably be in jail right about now. However, you're addicting qualities are bad for my health. Did you know that every puff I take of you, no matter how much you control my Hulk rages, takes minutes off my life? Or that you have the same chemicals in you found in urine, rat poison and carpet glue? How about the fact that you give cancer, or emphysema? Cause low birth weight in unborn babies, stain fingers and teeth, and generally cause people to go broke because you're OVER 5$ A PACK!! You and the perfume industry must be having an affair. I'm sure you've helped boost their sales drastically over the last bazillion years, as well as toothpaste and mouth wash. Whatever freaky orgy thing you have going on, please stop. I'd love to quit you, but you're so smooth. I start out strong, and you just suck me back in. We need to talk. Asap.

Regrettably yours, 

Me. 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

My brief affair with being crafty

Recently, I tried to bring out my crafty/artsy side. Let me tell you, it's not easy for a person who isn't used to exercising her "creative" abilities, to just jump into it full throttle like she knows what the hell she's doing. I like doing crafty things, but I start these endeavors like a crafting queen, and end up fumbling around like a kindergartner trying to tie her shoes for the first time. 

Or I pick it up really quickly, and drop it like a bad habit. That's a really bad metaphor. Drop it like a bad habit. If it were that easy to "drop" it, it wouldn't be a bad habit. Anywho..

So, the extent of my crafting expertise starts with crocheting, knitting, knifty knitting, cross stitch,  loom beading, sewing, painting, and drawing. Of which I do very few. The only thing I think I do now with any semi-consistency is probably crocheting, and of that I only know how to do the same pattern over, and over, and over again.

So last Friday, I decided to have Eeka teach me how to make bracelets. The reason why I wanted to start this project, was because.. well because I like shiny things and I had seen some really shiny beads at Pat Catan's and I wanted to play with them. They're those really popular beads out right now, made of glass I think, called pony beads. I've seen some of those bracelets going for 50$ at some of the jewelery store, and I thought, "Psh, I can make those."

And that's as far as my brain allowed me to think. 

Late Friday morning, Eeka picks me up, runs me around for a few errands, and we head back to her house. I'm sitting at her kitchen table all excited, swinging my feet under the chair like a 4 year old about to bake cookies with mommy for the first time. I was really, REALLY excited about this idea. As she's in the basement looking for all her beads and bracelet paraphernalia, I'm sitting in there coming up with the most brilliant, awesome, eye-catching, money-making ideas for bracelets and various other jewelry for her to sell on her Etsy account. I'm thinking to myself about how good I am at pairing colors together and making patterns. This is going to be the easiest thing I have ever done! I am going to be awesome at it! 

Yeah, no.

Eeka brings up this, well it's almost like a dresser, but it's small and plastic with three see-through drawers in it. Inside each drawer, stuffed and packed and laying there waiting for my eager little fingers, are bags upon bags of tiny glass beads. Now, for those that don't know me, I'm practically blind. I don't wear glasses because I can't seem to find the time between work and being lazy, to go to the damn eye doctor. I can't see more then 10 feet in front of me on a clear day, and half the time I'm looking at anything, I'm squinting. Unless it's a spider. In which case, I invented the term: spidey-senses. I'm still waiting on Marvel to pay me for that idea. 

So anyhow, I wasn't even perturbed by the idea that I possibly wouldn't even be able to see those tiny beads. I was ready to make a damn bracelet. Eeka showed me the different tools she used, from needle nose pliers, to wire cutters, to these weird ass pliers that have round spindle looking things instead of the traditional.. whatever you call the end of them. She even had a bead picker-upper which I dubbed, The Pooper Scooper. It helped to pick the beads up off the mat so you could put them back into their proper baggies. 

The Pooper Scooper

Then she plops each of the drawers out onto the table and starts waving small bags of beads in my face, as well as charms, wires, necklaces, small tubs of beads, a big oxy-clean tub of random beads that you see in children's kits, strings of pearly looking beads, square ones, oval ones, rectangular shaped ones, and one's that were in shapes that couldn't have possibly had easy to pronounce names. 

Beads!

More beads!

OMG MORE BEADS!!!

I had grabby fingers. 

I was excited.

I was in a world of shit and didn't know it.

Eeka flopped a squishy mat in front of me and told me that it makes it easy to hold onto the beads while working. Advice I would soon learn to appreciate. But all I could hear was, "Blah blah blah, beads. Blah blah blah, wire. Blah blah blah, bracelet."

Now, I know I said I was good at picking color schemes and making patterns. But what do you do when every colored bead you could possibly think of is staring at you in a "pick me! pick me!" kind of way? Well, if you're me, you freak out a bit. I started sifting through those beads as if they were going to poof from existence at any second. 

"THIS ONE! Oooh, no! THIS ONE!"

I'm sure that's how I sounded. If I hadn't mentioned, I was really, really excited. So I picked out my beads, shoved the first wire at Eeka, and proudly exclaimed, "ROLL THE END FOR ME!" I was already way in over my head, and didn't even know it. 

Eeka rolling my ends for me.

I started shoving the end of the wire at the beads as if I knew exactly what I was doing, but they wouldn't stay. They kept slipping off the end and rolling away. One or two even popped off and went flying across the table. I fumbled around trying to catch them and make them stick like my life depended on it. This wasn't the awesome daydream from a few minutes ago. This was bracelet making hell. I was determined though. 

You see how tiny those bastards are?!

I grabbed for a pair of scissors and cut the string holding all these blueish looking pearls while Eeka went to check on the baby. Of course, because I hadn't paid attention to the mat part, the beads slipped off the string, bounced and rolled across the wooden table, and fell to the floor. So I crawled down around on my hands and knees, retrieving the runaway pearls, and placed them on the table.

Where they rolled.

And bounced.

And fell onto the floor again. 

I learned really quick what the mat was for.

Once perched back in my chair with the pearls firmly resting on the mat, I continued to poke at the beads, trying to get them to situate themselves into some pattern that was pretty enough for someone to want to wear the damn thing. Eventually I succeeded and made my first bracelet. 

Yay! I did it!

I eventually learned how to roll the ends of my wire on my own as well. Eeka even gave me a pair of reading glasses so I could see those tiny bastards just chilling on the mat. That made it much easier to keep the beads on the wire and hold them in place. 

Normally, I look more human. 

Eventually I learned to make the bracelets a little faster, and before I knew it, with a few smoke breaks in between, I made five of them. 

All five of them

I felt accomplished. It started out wonderfully, then slapped me in the face with reality, then ended on a positive note. 

However, it's not just bracelets that I throw myself into with enthusiasm, it's every project that I start. I still have a blanket that I've been crocheting for the last year or so, and a couple more that I've started and never finished. Scarves I've attempted to knit that just un-weave while being thrown around in my closet, cross stitching that I got half way through and now I have no idea where it's at, and various other projects I've attempted and never committed to. 

I get myself all hyped up on something new, and when the glamour of it has faded away, I push it off to the side and forget all about it. Sometimes I surprise myself that I can even get dressed in the morning with all my non-committal, A.D.D. ways. 

So don't look for me at fairs and flea markets. I won't be opening my own Etsy account. You won't see my name attached to any QVC product line, and I won't be famous except in my head. The experience though was rather enjoyable when I wasn't off chasing beads or cursing them for being so damn tiny. I may even do it again, but this time with more patience and knowledge about what I may be getting myself into. 

So here's a few more pictures of the things I couldn't fit in properly to the rest of the blog, and forgive the quality of the pictures. For once again, I had forgotten my camera and had to take pictures of the experience with my cell phone. Enjoy.

I like the little beads, but I really like the chunky ones. There were just to many options, so I stuck with the small ones so I wouldn't get to overwhelmed.. well more then I already was, anyways.

I couldn't tell if I was using gold or silver beads here, because I kept forgetting that my reading glasses were sitting on my head.

For this one, I used wax string. I also spent 10 minutes digging through the Oxy-clean bucket looking for the different sized colored pearls, and the tiny ass silver beads that kept escaping my fat fingers.

This is one Eeka had done a while back.

Two seconds flat, she had earrings. Creative bitch.

The bracelet Eeka made for her niece.

Hello, Eeka!

Multitasking, a thing I could never do. Bracelet making, phone call, and me.. Like oil and water.

What we accomplished at the end of the day. Not to shabby for a first timer and a busy mom/patient teacher. I must say though, that Eeka is a hell of a lot better at this creative crafty stuff then I am. Props Eeka!

The "Bukkit": A tale of awesomeness and friendship.

Now, I know you're going to say, "What the fuck? This girl can't spell bucket right. I can't follow her blogs anymore, she's illiterate." But bear with me here. See, my friend Lubie (names are changed to personal nicknames for protection. She could be dangerous guys. Just saying.) decided she was going to go back to college. I support her on this idea, because she's a young girl with nothing better to do with her time except to explore the Internet looking for random saying t-shirts and sex paraphernalia. 


So, a little over a year ago, I chose to buy her a few fun school things. Stickers, bright eye shadow, non chipping black fingernail polish, and a few other things. But, because she moved around a lot and it took forever to get her address, and on top of the fact that I placed the package out of sight, I didn't end up sending it to her until this year.


What started out as a few things on her list that she needed, like highlighters and post it notes, turned into a school shopping frenzy. I never really know how to just get the things I need and leave it at that. Instead, I chose to get her a few extra things that would be a surprise and that I know she would like. So, I called up my friend Eeka, told her about this pet project of mine, and off we went. 


Now, Lubie is easily entertained. She's like a big kid, still in love with Hello Kitty. Smart, I may add. Possibly to smart for her own good. Once I told her that I was going to get her school supplies sent off, she about bounced right out of her pants. 


Eeka and I stopped off first at a dollar store. Not a traditional dollar store, where everything is a dollar, but close enough. When we walked in, with her 1 year old son in tote, I was a bit disappointed to see that their school aisle was very small. There wasn't much left to it, and this was because school was already underway. So I sifted through the random odds and ends looking for the things she needed, and then some extras. 


With Eeka's son sitting in the main part of the smallest cart I have ever seen in my entire life, I had to carry most of my measly possessions in my hands, because he kept taking what I put in and throwing it out. So here I am, standing in this aisle with a note book in one hand, and a handful of mini sharpies in the other. As I turned the corner, I found the actual dollar aisle. Like a kid in a candy store, I flipped through that shit like it was going out of style. Mini notebooks, stickers, bracelets, pencils, fake tattoos. I grabbed everything that looked about as stupid as what you'd get for a kid you didn't know or care about. Luckily though, I was already told that Lubie preferred stupid little stuff. 


So here I am, wandering around the store with my arms full of crap, when I find even more fake tattoos. This time, with glitter! OH HAPPY DAYS!! This, is a bonus. Lubie LOVES glitter. I don't just mean love, I mean.. she'd hump the shit out of a watermelon if someone told her she could have a whole tube of glitter. Sparkling, shining, glitter. As I turn around, I noticed there were coloring books behind me. Now, distracted as I get, which is pretty damn easily, I found for myself a number fill in book. You know how hard those things are to find?! I've been looking for a few years now, and here it was. Smack dab in this tiny little store just a few short blocks from my house. I grabbed one for me, and a word find for Lubie, when I noticed the biggest abomination on the face of the planet!


"NOOOOO!! THIS! IS! WRONG!" I think I may have actually screamed that. I'm juggling a hand full of mini sharpies, fake tattoo's, books, notepads, and random other things, while snatching a My Little Pony coloring book out of its resting spot and glaring at it like I could actually make it change. 


Here, in my full yet angry little hands, is this.. new version of My Little Pony. They look like cats that sniffed to much crack! Not that I've seen a cat that sniffed to much crack, but this was close enough. I was appalled! Outraged! Horrified! This wasn't the My Little Pony of my childhood! This was some altered, mangled, anime-like version that would probably have given me nightmares had I been 7 again. I flipped through the pages angrily muttering to myself. Through my fingers slipped the carefully selected purchases for Lubie, already long forgotten in my rage.

"THIS IS WRONG! VERY WRONG!"

Around this time, Eeka came and pulled me out of my angry, yet silent, reverie. I shoved the coloring book back in it's slot, exclaiming the entire time to Eeka about how they just ruined a classic. The whole time, she's eyeballing me like I've lost my mind, and her son is chomping away on the handle of the cart. I collected the things I had dropped, and rounded the corner of the aisle. I had to get away from that abomination before I set it on fire. I'm still debating on writing to the creators of My Little Pony and asking them what kind of drugs they've been taking lately. My first assumption would be acid, but I digress.


Low and behold, the next aisle turned out to be a school supply shoppers wet dream. Eeka even pointed out this humongous eraser that said, for BIG mistakes. I couldn't pass that up. Lubie had just had a rather hard time lately, and it was a good indicator that she could easily erase the big mistakes of her past. Well, that's what I had hoped. I know you can't really, but I at least thought it was funny, and Lubie would understand. So in the cart it went, along with a giant pack of sharpies and a few packs of post it notes. 


Now, I know I said that Lubie was amorous for glitter, but that's nothing compared to how insane she is for sharpies. My goal, was to get her as many different colored sharpies as I could possibly find. I tossed in an 8 pack of those little bastards, and a couple of single ones as well. They didn't have all the colors in the 8 pack, so I had to get a few extras.

 I also found her some rather bright eye shadow, a couple of hair clips and some black nail polish. We paid for our purchases and off we went to Walmart. That's when this horrible thought struck me.






I could not get her things into the manila envelope that I had picked out for her a year ago.




Plus, I forgot stickers.




Thank God we were going to Walmart. Eeka had to get a few things, and I had to find a box of sorts to get all this crap stuffed into and sent out. Only, I forgot that Walmart had a bigger section of school supplies, and again, I went nuts. I ran around that section like there weren't already a hundred people crammed into 5 dinky aisles. I snatched things out from in front of people, squeezed between children like I was 20 lbs skinnier and darted in and out of aisles like a kid at Christmas. 

Crazy lady coming through, watch out! 

More sharpies were procured in this adventure, including another giant pack that had just ONE color that Lubie didn't. There went 8 bucks for one sharpie. 


Eeka, unbeknownst to how crazy I was going at the moment, pointed out this cute little blue dinosaur cup that allowed you to drink out of it's tail. A "Sippersaurus" they called it. I snatched that out of her hand like she might light it on fire and melt it's plastic ass at any second. I felt a little like Golem in the Lord of the Rings. Mine. My own. My precious.. well, for my precious Lubie anyways. 

My sharpies. My own. My precious.

I have no idea what's wrong with me, I don't try to control it. I just go with the flow. It hurts no one really. 


I found a Hello Kitty pencil bag that I thought would hold all this shit, some hello kitty stickers, a few more note books, a funky looking calculator, and different colored pens. Once shopped out for school supplies, I left my insanity behind me and decided to come back to the normal world of helping my friend, who thankfully put up with my crazy ass for so long, to shop for the things she needed. That's when I found.. The Bukkit! It was just a regular old, plastic storage tote for things such as I had bought, with a lid that snapped on by two handles. For 4 bucks, I figured that Lubie could carry all her stuff in there to school with her. 


I don't know what the hell I was thinking, because it was quite obvious that this bukkit of sorts would be to big to fit in any normal sized backpack. But I bought it anyways. It was sturdy, and it would last the shipping process from Ohio to Texas. Once we left Walmart, Eeka took me to UPS to get it shipped off. In the back of her Blazer, I tore open packages, and stuffed as much as I could into that pencil bag. Only, I got about half of it in there before I realized that I couldn't get the damn thing zipped up. So I decided that if I could just get the sharpies and highlighters in there, it would be worth it. Everything else, I just poured into the bukkit. Once closed and the lid tightly locked into place, I damn near danced my way into the store with this "Oh-my-God-I'm-such-an-awesome-friend" look on my face. 

I bounced up to the counter, proud of myself more then any person could possibly be proud of themselves, and plopped the bukkit up onto the counter. I was beaming. The lady behind the counter, on the other hand, thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. I was awesome! 


"Uh, do you want to ship this like it is, or would you like a box?" she asked. 


"A box please!" I practically sang.


She found the most perfect box, that fit snugly around the bukkit, and cut it down to size. She then taped it with what I thought was tender affection, only because I was so elated at having finally accomplished my goal. I was high. High off my awesomeness. She was probably just taping it with the same tenderness she would tape any ones package. Plus, it was almost 5 o'clock. She was probably silently cursing me for being a last minute shipper.


I didn't care, I didn't see it. I just wanted to ship it off and call Lubie up and say, YOU'RE GETTING YOUR PACKAGE TOMORROW!


Only, it didn't happen that way. After 20$, a million things to sign for, insurance to discuss and 3 phone calls that interrupted my sales lady, she informed me that the package wouldn't get there till next Friday. Today was Thursday. A whole week! A WHOLE WEEK! I could feel myself deflating like an over sized balloon with a million holes. Lubie started school Monday. This was supposed to be there before then. I just paid 20 bucks for standard shipping! 


I grabbed my receipt and shuffled out of the door with the woman saying thank you and have a good night in an entirely way to chipper voice. I made it out to the car without killing anyone, got inside and fumed. I told Eeka the price and how long it would get there. 


"Hell, you could have gotten it cheaper through the regular post office. It's only 4 bucks for anything there, and takes three days."


I could have killed her. I contemplated it. I really did, but then who would change her son's ass? Sure as hell wouldn't be me. I've seen the damage that thing could do. Saved by her son's butt. She should be thanking her lucky stars. You could say that the love and friendship we have would be enough to save her, but no. It was the diaper changing. The poop. I love you Eeka, and if you read this, know that I love you, but if you ever do that to me again, I will.. I don't know, stomp on your baby toe or something.


So I sent Lubie a text, telling her that the bukkit would be there sometime at the end of next week, and to look for it. All that for a friend's I'm-so-proud-of-you-for-going-to-college gift. What a crock of shit. I also left her with strict instructions to NOT OPEN IT, until I could see her do it on web cam. She pouted, but she assented. 


Everyday she waited anxiously for that bukkit to get there, only to be as disappointed as I was about it taking so damn long to get there. What the hell was it's path? Was it going around the world? I mean, seriously. Three days tops! But noooo, a whole flipping week!


Friday rolled around, and still, no bukkit. I checked religiously at the UPS website, following the tracking number only to be told that it was en route, and would get there late in the evening. Lubie and all our friends were online. It was Bukkit Day. A new holiday. We had been talking about it all week long and everyone was sitting on pins and needles. We waited, and waited.. and the day kept going on. Where the hell was that bukkit?! I checked again, but to no avail. Nothing had changed. It was still en route. 

This is true. Only bills show up when you don't want the mail.

Lubie didn't give warning. She didn't say anything about waiting anxiously except for that she was listening for the door. All the sudden, she popped back up online typing as fast as her little fingers would allow. The bukkit.. had arrived! 


She was so excited, she posted a picture on Facebook of her hugging the package.

"Oh bukkit, how I love you!"

Then of her trying to gnaw her way into it.

Om nom nom!

Then finally, after the web cam was turned on, I allowed her via Internet, to open her bukkit. I've always seen kids in those Christmas movies acting all excited and happy about things they have gotten, and the joy that lit up their faces at the gifts, but I can't ever say I've actually SEEN it, including in the few pictures of myself as a baby. But here is Lubie, 21 years old, flailing and bouncing and glowing, ACTUALLY GLOWING, with excitement at the stupid shit I just bought her. Nothing was to cheap, or stupid, or kid like. She loved it all. That was actually worth seeing. It was worth all the irritation at the My Little Pony coloring book, the evil bad news lady at the UPS store, and the weeks worth of disappointment at hoping that it might just show up early. 


Lubie tried out everything. She poured Sunny D in the Sippersaurus and drank from it's ass. 

Sunny D from a dinosaurs ass is amazing! :D

She put a tattoo on her foot, in the same place where I have a real tattoo on my foot. 

And she shared with everyone what she got. 

Including her awesome eraser.

But the best part of all this, isn't so much her getting her gifts, it was the after affect. Lubie herself had been having such a shitty week, that this actually made it totally worth it. Erased all her bad days and made her forget all the crap that had happened. Later that night when she got a call from her mom, she shared with her how happy the bukkit had made her and all the things she had received, and that's when her mom came up with a pretty awesome fucking idea.


Take the bukkit, and pass it along. Pass on the happiness that it brought to you. Maybe she had been reading to much Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but we didn't care. The second that Lubie told us the idea, we jumped on it like fat kids on cake. Addresses were passed around, and rules made up by all of us. Now, let me explain by who I mean when there are all of us. Most of us are girls, but there are a few guys. We've all met online at one specific site, and for the most part, we've all been really good friend for a couple of years. No, we've not met in person yet, but we're still pretty close. Like a circle of best Internet friends. I will most likely be talking about them a lot, because we have some pretty awesome stories and funnies that should be shared, but I won't go into it right now. 


So now, the bukkit sits in Lubie's house, waiting to be filled with a few things before getting sent off. We've all exchanged addresses, and even made up a small wish list of some items we wouldn't mind getting. There's even a journal that will be sent along with the bukkit, for entries, and even a picture of that person holding the bukkit in their possession. (That is actually one of the rules, you have to take a picture of yourself with the bukkit, put it in the journal, and send it off to the next person.)


To make it more interesting, the next person is chosen at random. That way, the happiness is just as random. You have to complete the whole circle before someone can receive it again. A sticker or possibly a small drawing is to be put on the bukkit itself. When the journal gets full, the next person to receive it, gets to keep the journal, and then replaces it with a new one, starting us all over again. 


Who knew, that when I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off, I would be inspiring an idea to spread happiness to multiple people. Bringing relationships closer. Ensuring our Internet friendship was more then that, but a solid, real, lasting friendship between a dozen people.


I knew I was awesome. 

The bukkit of Awesomeness.